Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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