Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
