Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
