Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
