Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
