Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
