I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
