If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
