She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
