On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
