Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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