just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
