I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you never un-have a 4some
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
