she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
