Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
