your thong is hanging out like whoa
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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