Soap is not a condiment
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
