If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
