Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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