so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
