i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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