Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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