dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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