I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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