I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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