Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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