Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
