uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
