Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
