I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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