so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
