I will die if light touches me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
