finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
