she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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