they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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