It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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