it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Quick, to the slutcave!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my shit smells like andre
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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