I feel great
I just peed on a car
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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