quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
