before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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