why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
