Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
