i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
