tell your sister to shave her snatch
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
