I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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