the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize