That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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