I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
