I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
