i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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