Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
