My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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