I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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