I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So much rum. So many feels.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
