i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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