I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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