the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
