I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think my moral compass just broke
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
