i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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