Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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