nut hugger
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize