loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she told me i tasted like america
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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