There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
