I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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