I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
