we have pet lesbian snakes
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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