he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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