so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
