wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
