she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
