Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
