I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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