Can i not drive my cunt home
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
