I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize