Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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