I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
