you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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