then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
