It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
