$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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