woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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