i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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