i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
