Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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