the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
