i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
