its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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