i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
