Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
